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La safi.
things to do after otp with mommy ╭∩╮(︶.︶メ)╭∩╮
Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I am gonna tell you a story.....╥﹏╥         

there was this little girl who loved her mom so much and she wanted nothing more than to be with her mom everyday. she always got into trouble at home, she would accidentally break a vase or a little figurine and her mom would scold her at times even spank her. but she always loved her mom no matter what she did. one rainy day her mom decided to leave the house and the little girl thought she would just come back after a few days.
so she and her dad brought her mom to her grandparents house where her mom was going. suddenly inside the car it began to be very quiet and tears started to fall. the little girl found out her mom was leaving her for a very long time to the states and that she won’t be coming back to her dad. the little girl started to cry but she didn’t know what to do or think. she doesn’t know whether she would get mad at her mom or her dad. the little girl was so sad and almost every night she would cry wishing things like that didn’t happen to her. the little girl was just 5yrs. 
old when her mom left her. after a few years the little girl was already in grade school and every time during family day she would envy the kids who went to their mothers to give them the letter or drawing that their teachers asked them to do for their parents. but the little girl only had her dad. and the drawing and letter she made for her mom she would just give it to her grandparents for them to send it through mail to her mom. her mom came back to visit her but she wouldn’t stay long. she would buy her things that her daughter likes.

every 2yrs. she would come back to visit her. but every time she left she always left the little girl new memories to cry on during the night. years and years passed and everything was the same. now the little girl has a little sister. her mom comes home every year to visit her with her sister. but this just brought more tears to the little girls eyes. she would cry every night just envying the life her sister has. because her sister has the life she always wanted. the life where she can be with her mom everyday. now that the little girl is older she knows now how to explain what she feels to her mom. but she doesn’t know whether her mom can understand her or not. she left the little girl when she was still 5yrs. old. the little girl thought. 
what makes her sure that her mom would want to be with her as much as she does when she left her when she was still so young. so the little girl keeps her feelings to herself due to this thought. and because her mom has to be with her sister. so even though the little girl is old enough on the outside, inside she still is the little girl who was hurt and wanted nothing more than to be happy like any other child \(´▽`)/           

From childhood’s hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view. 
view more here

So it’s Dark. and i can’t see a thing. It Doesn’t matter which way I turn it all feels like it’s the wrong way, and somehow I know that each step I take each motion in any direction is one more step closer to the edge. Closer to oblivion, to the end of everything and anything. I can’t see the way forward, the way back isn’t an option. I’m lost, I’m alone, I have no one to turn to. There is no tomorrow worth looking forward to. Maybe one day it will be better, but not today. And i doubt very much it’ll be tomorrow.
Or Maybe I’ve already gone over the edge and am already falling without realizing it.

i am really really miss everybody there, especially my mom
i  feel so lonely, although in the crowded room
what a suck a life, is this a world or an abstrack hell ?? damn !!
I’m feeling tired today
Left alone in the room hugging a pillow
Touching my phone distracted my mind
It’s lonely to eat tonight

Suddenly, i was frightened by the ringing phone
my mom’s worried voice asked if i’ve eaten
these words annoyed me but today it’s different
The forgotten promises are remembered

I will be a person with pretty heart
And become a person who is selfless
I’ll keep the love of my mother’s wishes
I think of mother who used to share my dreams and brush my hair

Though I’ve made hurtful wrong choices
You silently watched over me from behind
But now I think more than an innocent child
The meaning of mom’s silent prayers

I will be a person with pretty heart
And become a person who is selfless
I’ll keep the love of my mother’s wishes
I think of mother who used to share my dreams and brush my hair

What will i do, yet my heart is small
Can I do better without holding mother’s hand

I’m afraid that it will still lack
I’ll be a wise daughter of my mom (Give me the courage)
I will be a proud daughter no matter where I go (You’ve been there for me)
I’ll keep the love of my mother’s wishes
I’ll show endless love
I’ll have a warm heart
I’m shy to express to mom

That I really love my mom