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La safi.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011

In life, when you leave, you can never go back home. Growing up is not something that happens slowly over time. Perhaps for some people it might be, however, for me it seems to happen in dramatic bursts. It seems like one day I am in the sun with some friends enjoying my freedom, the next day I awake to the rain and cold to read an email explaining to me that I need to move away and work. Growing up feels like that first summer trip as a kid. You spend so long waiting for it, planning it, talking about it. You get ready a little bit every day in the spring and then eventually that morning comes and you’re in the car. You can’t help but think to yourself “what if its not as good as i imagined?” And thats just the start of being an adult. What if its not as good as I imagined?.Your parents tell you to jump in, you’ll be home again to soon. So you close your eyes and jump. As your feet leave the ground you feel that weight in your stomach just like when you ride the roller-coasters, it drops, and you can barely hold your breath. Hitting the water causes your body heat to rise, just that little flush you might feel before passing out and you start to think to yourself “I am going to drown, I need air”. It seems like hours have passed under water fighting your hardest to get to the surface. When you arise you realize its not so bad, and the day only gets better. I have left, and now its all falling down around me, to keep going i have to keep leaving. I left home, and put up with school. Everyone said it would be better when it was over. I got a job and everyone said “its only 6 years, it will be so much better when its over” Now I am getting another job, and again i hear “in 6 years it will be so much better”. Does no one realize that I can’t keep hearing that phrase? I don’t want to wait 6 more years. I have waited  6 months shouldn’t that be enough? hahaha Why is it so hard to accept that I just want to give up. I don’t want to wake up another day just “make it through” I dont know how many of those days i have left. There will come a day  when you’ll feel like shit  and want to give up on this life and everything else  when that day arrives . save yourself some trouble and don’t do a thing just take a nap baby